


i got a thing for you (and it won't go)

by the_tenerife_sea



Series: still turning out [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Pregnancy, i'm really bad at tagging lol, prequel to i think i'm still turning out!, yeah? yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 22:36:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13890585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_tenerife_sea/pseuds/the_tenerife_sea
Summary: When Ryan Bergara first realizes he has more than platonic feelings towards Shane Madej, it’s two in the morning, and he can’t sleep.____Or a prequel toi think i'm still turning outfrom Ryan's point of view.





	i got a thing for you (and it won't go)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! This is a short little thing I wrote fairly quickly. But here you have it! A small prequel to my kid fic.
> 
> You probably should read the first part in this series before reading this...but this will probably still make sense if you wanna read it the other way around. Do what you want! I don't care! 
> 
> I always forget to say this in my bfu fics, but I'm mainly using these characters as a vessel for my own ideas and creativity. What I write has little to no reflection on what I actually think of these people in real life. I mean, I love Shane, Ryan, and Sara in real life and think they're great, but characters like Sara's I mostly use as a plot device. This is 100% (fan)fiction Anyway.
> 
> Please enjoy!
> 
> Title is from Fingers Crossed by COIN

When Ryan Bergara first realizes he has more than platonic feelings towards Shane Madej, it’s two in the morning, and he can’t sleep.

He may or may not have watched some shitty horror movie Netflix recommended to him a few hours ago, alone, in his too dark and too quiet apartment, but that is  _ not _ the reason he can’t sleep, okay? It’s  _ not _ .

So now Ryan is in bed, snuggled up under his duvet with one foot out (not off the side of the bed, though, because, you know...demons) scrolling through the same twenty-something photos on Instagram for the tenth time because he keeps anxiously closing and refreshing the app. Rolling his eyes at himself, he goes to his own feed and views his story again.

Shane is on it, like usual, and he’s at his desk, drinking coffee from a Starbucks cup. Ryan smiles to himself when the camera zooms in on Shane's dumb face, and **—**

Shane is really attractive.

It’s not something Ryan hasn’t thought about before, his attraction towards Shane, that is, but right now, at two in the morning, the realization feels like...a lot.

Ryan thinks about all the other times he’s posted Shane to his story, thinks about all the times he’s been desperate for Shane’s attention. Desperate for _any_ reaction out of Shane, really. When they first met, there was this undeniable pull he felt towards Shane right away, not only because Shane was new to Buzzfeed just like him, but because they just meshed so well together immediately. They have the same sense of humor, similar interests, good banter (which is a thing you need to have a successful relationship with anyone), and Ryan loves being around him. He always wants to be around him, and it’s...Ryan’s a bit obsessed with Shane, isn’t he?  

That’s not a bad thing, exactly. He knows Shane considers Ryan just as good of a friend as Ryan considers him, but it’s kind of...weird. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes he’s never felt this strongly about any of his friends before. Come to think of it, he doesn’t think he’s ever acted the way he does around Shane around  _ anyone _ before, guy or girl.

It’s two in the morning, and Ryan Bergara realizes he has a big ol’ crush on Shane Madej.

 

——  
  


 

His  _ thing _ for Shane has grown to be apart of him, now. It’s something he rarely thinks about after almost a year of knowing he likes him. It’s like being in love with Shane is just who he is, a facet of his personality.

Like, oh? Ryan Bergara? The guy who’s 5’10 and in love with Shane Madej? That guy.

Shane is with Sara, though, and it kind of sucks, but it doesn’t hurt as bad as it used to, when he first realized his feelings for Shane on that one, late night. Even when it feels like Shane may be flirting back sometimes.

(Shane’s habit of calling Ryan ‘baby’ was becoming out of hand. Especially because it either made Ryan clam up and make a fool of himself, or made his dick twitch in his pants. Yeah, the first time he got hard because of something Shane said, following the words “Umbrella Man” of all things, was when he definitely confirmed to himself that Shane isn’t just another one of his ‘bros’.)

It’s just wishful thinking on Ryan’s end. Probably.

Now, Ryan focuses as hard as he possibly can on not looking like a pining idiot in front of the camera. He does a pretty good job of hiding his feelings, he thinks. For the most part.

(Ryan’s mind immediately flashes to the postmortem where their hands briefly touched, and the first words out of his mouth were, “That was strange”. He wouldn’t be surprised if he saw that clip in the next cringe compilation Youtube recommends him at two in the morning when he can’t sleep.)

But, Shane is happy. Unsolved is thriving. Ryan is dealing well with his  _ feelings _ . What could go wrong?

 

——

 

Sara is pregnant. 

Shane calls him at almost midnight on a Tuesday, panicking, because Sara told him that night at dinner that she’s pregnant, and he doesn’t know what to do, just knows that he’s going to be a  _ dad _ , and he’s excited, and he’s scared, and—

Ryan’s heart freezes over in his chest.

Shane being with Sara was fine, it barely affected him anymore, honestly. It was fine.

But now she’s  _ pregnant, _ and that’s...that’s a lot more serious than just being in a relationship.

Ryan asks Shane, “Does she wanna keep it?”

It’s a valid question, but he still kind of hates himself for asking. He only flinches a little bit at the emptiness in his tone.

Shane tells him they both agreed on keeping the baby, but Sara doesn’t want to tell anyone at work until she starts showing.

“But you told me,” Ryan says over the phone to Shane.

“You’re my best friend, Ry,” Shane answers without hesitation. And that’s that.

Ryan can tell the more Shane talks about it, the more at ease he feels, can hear the rough edge draining out of his voice. Ryan is glad he can be there for him, comfort him to some extent, but it’s so much harder than Ryan could have ever imagined. He’s never been so irrationally angry and so heartbroken at the same time. He feels like punching the wall, but also like he’s about to burst into tears at any second.

Sara is  _ pregnant. _ With  _ Shane’s _ baby. And they’re in love. What logically comes after that means—

Ryan knows he never really stood a chance, but having every single last one of his hopes shattered on a boring Tuesday night while he was eating his favorite popcorn and watching movies is the worst pain he’s ever experienced. His body is physically _aching_. He’s so fucking _jealous_ , so stupidly jealous. 

He goes to bed immediately after Shane hangs up, Ryan barely saying a word while Shane’s anxious rants turned into soft, intimate wonderings about his future with his kid (and implied: with Sara).

Ryan cries until his body gives out on him at about two in the morning, and falls into a fitful sleep.

  
  


——

  
  


Everything sort of falls back into its old pattern. Ryan goes to work, comes home, sleeps, repeat. His relationship with Shane hasn’t changed, of course. Shane is still his best friend. Hopefully, that will never change. He doesn't know why it would, but you never know. Some things happen unexpectedly.

They still hang out, mostly at Ryan’s because Sara’s pregnancy symptoms are giving her hell, and everything is the same.

Ryan is okay. Mostly.

Sometimes, it’ll hit him out of nowhere (usually at two in the morning) that he and Shane will never be more than just friends, and it’s okay. He can’t do anything to change it now. Shane is happy, so Ryan is happy (or will be, eventually).

Ryan also tries to take this as a sign that it’s time to move on. It wasn’t really necessary to try and get over his crush before this, because breakups can happen fast and without warning, but now, he thinks this is the universe’s way of telling him that it isn’t meant to be, between him and Shane. 

He’ll be okay.

  
  


——

  
  


Everyone at work is super excited for Shane and Sara, obviously, but Ryan didn’t expect for everyone to be asking  _ him _ how  _ he _ feels, too. Like everyone could see right through him all along, like everyone knows he has a big fat crush on Shane Madej.

He’s too emotionally drained to overanalyze or feel anxious about it. It’s probably because they’re best friends, so people assume Ryan is really involved in Sara’s pregnancy or something. Right?

Right.

Getting over Shane is proving to be harder than he thought, considering he sits next to him every day, talks to him every day, has a fucking show with him, et cetera. Basically, it’s hard to move on from someone when they’re your best friend and you do nearly everything with them.

It’s kind of pathetic, though, the more he dwells on it. Shane was never Ryan’s in the first place, so why is he having such a difficult time getting over a relationship that didn't exist? Why does he still stay up till two in the morning thinking about all the possibilities that could  _ never _ happen—

“Are you shitting yourself?” Shane asks suddenly, appearing out of nowhere and sitting down next to Ryan at his own desk.

Ryan can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him, feeling the stressed lines in his face smooth over. “No, what the fuck, dude. Shut up.”

And when Shane smiles back at him, big and bright and filling every part of Ryan up with warmth, Ryan remembers why getting over him won’t be easy.

  
  


——

  
  


Shane is tired. Ryan can feel it radiating off of him.

Not to mention he can also see it in the bags under Shane’s eyes, and in the two full mugs of coffee sitting on his desk.

“Making two cups of coffee at the same time so you don’t have to get up again? Genius life hack, dude,” Ryan says, trying to make Shane smile at least a little bit. Anything would be better than the pinched wrinkles in between his eyebrows.

“What?” Shane answers, blinking, and turning away from his computer to look at Ryan.

“Your coffee," Ryan repeats. "You made two cups.”

“Oh,” Shane says, eyes dropping down to the mugs in front of him. “Actually, I forgot I made the first one, so I made the second on accident.”

“Oh,” Ryan echoes. “Jeez, man, how tired are you?”

Shane laughs humorlessly. “Says mister ‘I stay till two in the morning almost every night.’”

“Hey, shut up,” Ryan says. “We’re not talking about me.”

Shane leans back in his chair and rubs his eyes. “There’s just a lot going on, you know?”

“No,” Ryan replies. “I don’t.” He leans back in his own chair too, focusing all of his attention on Shane. “But you can tell me?”

Shane sighs. “Well, Sara is touring the new company she’s working for today, and I’m worried, because she’s six months pregnant and if she’s stressed then the baby is stressed.” Shane runs a hand through his hair. “And she’s up half the night because of her back or because the baby won’t stop moving, so I can’t get any sleep either, and _both_ of us being tired and stressed is bad for the baby—”  

“Hey, man,” Ryan cuts him off because he’s getting worked up. “It’ll be okay.” 

“Will it be, though?” Shane says, his eyes snapping towards Ryan’s, panicked and wide. “Everything feels so  _ wrong _ all of a sudden and I don’t know why. I feel like something's off and it’s killing me.” His shoulders slump, and Ryan has never seen him look so defeated.

“You’re probably just tired,” Ryan answers him then, automatically, not wanting to overthink anything. “And you’re obviously stressed. Maybe you should take the rest of the day off, dude,” he suggests.

Shane sighs again, drawn out and pitiful, and Ryan feels awful for him. He wishes he could do more, but he doesn’t even know what he could possibly do to help, or where he could even start. It’s times like this where Ryan thinks he should get a rubber band to snap on his own wrist, because right now, he can’t help but think about his  _ feelings _ , and how Ryan could pull Shane closer to comfort him, just hold him until he feels okay again.

He can’t, though, and probably never will.

It’s okay. He ignores the ache in his heart. He’s okay.

“You’re right,” Shane says eventually. He gives Ryan the mugs filled with coffee. “I’m obviously not going to get anything done today.” He gets up from his chair and grabs his jacket and keys. Before he goes, he turns back to Ryan, his eyes bleary and voice soft. “Thanks, for listening and stuff.”

“Of course, big guy,” Ryan tells him. “I’ll always be here for you.” 

Shane gives him a small smile, and  _ feelings _ or not, Ryan means what he said. If Shane needs him, he’ll be there. Always.  
  


 

——

  
  


It’s two in the morning when Shane sends him a picture. He’d been texting Ryan all night with updates on Sara and how everything is going. Ryan can tell how nervous he is even through text (it's kind of cute). But all of Shane's stress and worry has paid off, it seems.

Shane and Sara didn’t want to find out the gender of their baby before it was born. Ryan knows Shane has at least four tabs of baby names opened on his phone at all times, though, and has been thinking and talking about names nonstop, but Ryan is still pleasantly surprised by their baby’s name when he reads the caption on the picture.

_ Ruth Alexandrea Madej! She’s here. Born at 2:02am. She’s already taking after you. _

Ryan snorts a little, because  _ good _ , he’s glad Shane’s baby is already giving him hell, but also because everything about her name is so  _ Shane.  _ From the old-fashioned first name, to the fact that her middle name is  _Alexandrea_.  He can’t wait to make fun of Shane for naming his baby after himself.

Ryan opens the picture so it’s not in the text thread, and even for a wrinkly newborn, Ruth is the most precious thing he’s ever seen. That might be because she’s Shane’s baby, though. He’s a bit biased.

One of Shane’s fingers is gripped in Ruth’s tiny fist, and Ryan’s heart melts.

He can’t wait to meet her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have two other parts planned out for this series so far, so stay tuned.
> 
> Kudos and comments are nice? You can also yell at me on [tumblr](http://werewolvesau.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
